Susan Rachele On BDD and Losing Weight

Hello everyone, my name is Susan Rachele and I'm one of the millions of women out there who got tired of being obese her whole life and lost more than 100 lbs. At one point in my life, I tipped the scales at more than 250 lbs. Through sheer hard work and determination, I was able to go down to a size 4. That's certainly a huge achievement, and something I should be proud of. However, the truth is, I feel anything but. While my body may no longer weigh 250 lbs, my mind still feels like it's at 250 lbs. This is how Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD) works – even in a Size 4, I still feel like I have disgusting thighs and should work harder at trimming them.

BDD has negatively impacted my life in ways I cannot put into words. In fact, until now I still struggle with understanding certain aspects of my behavior. When it comes to BDD, here are just some of the instances where it has influenced or disrupted my way of thinking: I jog 5 miles every day, but I go early in the morning so that others wouldn't have to see me. It's also so I can avoid comments on how I may or may not be doing it properly. I also dislike the idea of someone seeing the flab around my legs when I jog.

At home, I have stopped owning full-length mirrors. I have even stopped looking at them. At work, I avoid social events as much as possible. The idea of just standing there and having to talk to others makes me uncomfortable. All this is tied to how I see and perceive myself. The good news is that I'm now working with a cognitive behavioral therapist to manage this negative way of being.

I'm hopeful as ever that things will work out for the best in my favor in the end. I'm Susan Rachele and feel free to check in on my progress by reading more of my works.

Susan Rachele On The Importance of Self-Care

You are your own worst critic—how many of us find this statement to be true? I'm Susan Rachele and I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), and Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD). I also have a learning disability in the form of geographical dyslexia. The reason why I mention this is to show you how much worse it could be for someone battling with mental health disorders and to be their own worst critic as well. In a word, it's a nightmare, but it's also given me the opportunity to learn more about myself and change the things I'm not happy with.

As someone who struggles with body image, self-care does not come easily to me. In fact, I believe my reaching out to a cognitive behavioral therapist is already the biggest step I've taken in the arena of self-care. Aside from my therapist, I also work with an herbalist and a meditation guru to help me understand and overcome certain aspects of my behavior. I acknowledge that I cannot do this alone. As such, I have put into place many more self-care activities, like low dosage SSRI, exposure therapy, and even ritual prevention. I also plan to maintain therapy sessions as they have provided me the best guidance I could ever hope for.

To everyone who may be reading this right now, please take care of yourselves. Whether you are diagnosed with mental health disorders or just feeling the blues, self-care is important and must be taken seriously, especially at a time like this when the world is moving at a fast-pace. Self-care may also help in preventing such mental health disorders from developing in the first place.

If there's anything you'd like to ask me, Susan Rachele, please feel free to touch base at any time.

Susan Rachele on OCD vs. Anal Retentiveness

For much of her life, Susan Rachele has been called anal-retentive by her friends and colleagues, and her behavior was the source of much frustration in her personal life. However, when she found out that she had obsessive compulsive disorder, she finally understood why she had been acting the way she was.

Here’s a funny story from one of my previous jobs. I was a working as a temp in a startup, and I got assigned to the procurement department. While everyone was out negotiating with vendors, I was fine with just staying behind and reviewing contracts. I found out that I was really good at dealing with fine print when the company’s lawyer ran across me picking apart a contract and said, “Susan, I think you’re even more anal retentive than I am. And I’m the one who went to law school.”

Back then, I didn’t know what anal retentiveness was, so I did my research. I discovered that anal retentiveness was something that people got a kick out of. For example, I was good with contracts and enjoyed looking through them. But each time I got home, everything had to be in place and scrubbed clean. I spent hours in the bathroom, scrubbing the tiles, and swept the floor over and over again. While everyone loves a clean house, I felt as if something beyond the need for cleanliness was forcing me to sweep the floor.

It wasn’t until I sought out a therapist that I discovered that obsessive compulsive disorder was something more than a desire for order in my life. It wasn’t exactly a desire, but an anxiety – a fear that drove me to do things repeatedly. My therapist explained that my body dysmorphic disorder was linked to my OCD as well.

Ever since the diagnosis, I’ve been trying to overcome my OCD. And next time I hear that someone is obsessive-compulsive about her spreadsheets or copy edits, I’ll gently take her aside and explain that she isn’t exactly as OC as she claims to be – just very good at her job.

Susan Rachele is slowly making her way back to mental stability and wellness. Keep visiting this website for more updates.

Susan Rachele On Body Dysmorphia Disorder

For Susan Rachele, growing up with body dysmorphia disorder (BDD) has resulted in a skewed sense of self-worth and a focus on her own flaws. Today, she tells us about her continuing journey through BDD and how it has shaped the way she views the world and herself.

Most literature about BDD, medical or otherwise, tells us that it forces someone’s mind to “perceive” flaws that are not there. Unfortunately, the word “perceive” does not fully grasp what it is like to have BDD. In all reality, a person with BDD feels the same way about her flaws or ugliness as a mathematician believes that 1 plus 1 equals 2. For me, there is no doubt about my lack of attractiveness.

For instance, I have dealt with obesity practically my entire life. At one point, I stopped stepping on the weighing scale and I guess I maxed out at 255 pounds. This only reinforced my belief that I am flawed and ugly. Even after losing a lot of weight and going down to a size 4, I still look down at my thighs and tell myself, how could a size 4 have thighs these big?

Another consequence of BDD is a lack of motivation to become more social. While I like taking pictures of beautiful places, I avoid being in them because I feel like I’ll only spoil the scenery. I always volunteer to take photos of groups just so I could avoid being in the picture. And because the prospect of being in a photo scares the hell out of me, I tend to avoid group events, even with colleagues.

Having body dysmorphia disorder has been crippling so far. But I know, sooner or later, I’ll get through this. Maybe I could go to a work event and pose for a picture, even if it means I’ll be at the back of the photo. But baby steps are still steps, and I want to start walking where I’m supposed to go.

For more updates about Susan Rachele and her journey to emotional and mental wellness, keep this page bookmarked.

Susan Rachele on Parents' Roles in Their Child's Mental and Emotional Growth

Susan Rachele grew up in a household where one parent has severe bipolar disorder. The extreme highs and extreme lows that a person with bipolar disorder experiences can greatly affect their relationships. Imagine a child being exposed to these extremes on a regular basis, and having to deal with it on his or her own because it is the parent who exhibits the manifestations of such extremes. Research shows that children who were constantly exposed to violence and abuse are at a higher risk of developing a mental disorder in their teenage years or when they become adults.

For Susan Rachele, these mental disorders manifested in the form of PTSD, ADHD, OCD, BDD, and SPD. She is now working closely with a cognitive behavior therapist to help her cope with her conditions and improve her quality of life.

With that said, parents play a huge role in the child's mental, emotional, and physical development. Where the constant atmosphere at home is that of stress, anxiety, or violence; the child's behavioral and intellectual growth may become underdeveloped. The parents' attitude towards their own bodies also heavily influences how a child may perceive his or her own body.

A child as young as 5 or 6 years old may already be worried about their body image because that is what they see from their parents. And as they get older, they may be more focused on this body image and may use extreme means to "keep up" with their perception of a perfect body.

When a child is raised in a nurturing, supportive, and loving environment, they develop a healthy self-esteem which translates to them being happy with the way they look. They also will learn to be loving and supportive to the people around them; their family, friends, teachers, and everyone they meet.

Susan Rachele on Negative Body Image: 4 Ways It Affects You

Susan Rachele suffers from a mental condition known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. A person suffering from BDD sees his or her body as flawed. It may have to do with weight issues, a physical flaw such as scars, an unflattering mole, or any other perceived deformity. Where a "normal" person would be quick to brush off such flaws, someone with BDD behaves otherwise; often becoming so obsessed with the perceived flaw to the point of avoiding social interactions and undergoing numerous cosmetic procedures to become more beautiful—or acceptable in public.

When a person has a poor or negative body image, certain disorders may develop, foremost of which is an eating disorder. A poor body image affects the person in four distinct ways:

1. Body perception or Perceptual Body Image. You see your body as flawed even if it really isn't. You have a specific perception of your body where you may see it as too fat or too thin, or too dark or too white, or in other ways that aren't the accurate representation of your body.

2. How your body makes you feel or Affective Body Image. How you feel about your body can elicit either satisfaction or dissatisfaction. Where perceptual body image is related to how you see your body, affective body image is more concerned with how you feel about it.

3. How you think about your body or Cognitive Body Image. This isn't the same as perceptual body image. So as not to be confused, cognitive body image is related to how you think about your body, along the lines of "If only I were a little thinner, I would be more popular, or "If I had more muscles, I would be more accepted by my peers," and so on.

4. Your behavior based on your body image or Behavioral Body Image. With a distorted body image, your behavior can be deeply affected by it. This is where certain disorders, such as an eating disorder, may develop as mentioned above. Your body image affects your behavior in extreme ways.

For Susan Rachele, seeing a cognitive behavior therapist is an important part of her recovery process. Her CBT is helping her cope and overcome her BDD.

Susan Rachele: The Good, The Bad of Being A Perfectionist

Hello, my name is Susan Rachele, and I write this blog entry as a way of owning up to my perfectionist tendencies. Some people may view this as a debilitating thing, but I believe that it is still up to the person to make the most out of it.

In my case, my perfectionist tendencies are only but a small part of who I am. Initially, I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder) and ADHD (Attention-deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). It's a good thing that my cognitive behavioral therapist looked at the other factors affecting my day to day life and found that I actually have BDD (body dysmorphia disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder). With that said, you can just imagine how hard it is to function normally with all these disorders. On the one hand, my BDD tricks me into thinking I have so many flaws and my OCD adds to it, causing me to notice every bit of it. My SPD, on the other hand, causes me to withdraw and isolate myself as I get over-stimulated by my environment.

As for my perfectionist tendencies, I find that this happens in all I do. For example, in connection with BDD, I will not do something in front of others if I can avoid it because I know I’ll look awkward and unattractive while doing so. Before I would jog five miles almost every day, but I would go early in the morning so that no one would see me. The perfectionist in me knows I wasn’t doing it correctly as well, so I would go out of my way to avoid being caught in an embarrassing scenario.

Now I am proud to say that I am making progress is battling these disorders, in part because of therapy and other self-care activities.

My name is Susan Rachele, thanking you for reading my blog.