Susan Rachele On BDD and Losing Weight

Hello everyone, my name is Susan Rachele and I'm one of the millions of women out there who got tired of being obese her whole life and lost more than 100 lbs. At one point in my life, I tipped the scales at more than 250 lbs. Through sheer hard work and determination, I was able to go down to a size 4. That's certainly a huge achievement, and something I should be proud of. However, the truth is, I feel anything but. While my body may no longer weigh 250 lbs, my mind still feels like it's at 250 lbs. This is how Body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD) works – even in a Size 4, I still feel like I have disgusting thighs and should work harder at trimming them.

BDD has negatively impacted my life in ways I cannot put into words. In fact, until now I still struggle with understanding certain aspects of my behavior. When it comes to BDD, here are just some of the instances where it has influenced or disrupted my way of thinking: I jog 5 miles every day, but I go early in the morning so that others wouldn't have to see me. It's also so I can avoid comments on how I may or may not be doing it properly. I also dislike the idea of someone seeing the flab around my legs when I jog.

At home, I have stopped owning full-length mirrors. I have even stopped looking at them. At work, I avoid social events as much as possible. The idea of just standing there and having to talk to others makes me uncomfortable. All this is tied to how I see and perceive myself. The good news is that I'm now working with a cognitive behavioral therapist to manage this negative way of being.

I'm hopeful as ever that things will work out for the best in my favor in the end. I'm Susan Rachele and feel free to check in on my progress by reading more of my works.